Megan's LiveJournal

Subject:	Grad School
Time:	9:22 pm.
Mood:	bored.

Grad school stuff is going extremely well. I am going to visit two of the Rutgers campuses next week, and both of the potential advisors from the schools agreed to meet with me. Dr. Mark Gluck (from Newark campus) even invited me to a party that he is throwing after the Pavlovian Society meeting in September, which I planned on attending. The whole thing makes me crazy nervous, because being accepted to a grad school is much harder than undergrad. The plus: grad school is free and gives me a stipend. A $25,000 stipend. Cool.

I miss my Albion friends and I am looking forward to seeing them when I get back. I haven't seen any of my friends in Clarkston because I am so busy studying and have no money...and it makes me think how often I will see those people after I graduate from Albion. I love them, but the GRE is very important right now.

I love Days of our Lives. It's by far the best soap opera (cough::Rachel::cough)!

Someone get my nose out of the computer and GRE study book. Ah.

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Subject:	Piercings
Time:	1:41 pm.
Mood:	full.

The other day all my friends were having a discussion about tattoos and piercings, and it struck me that I was definitely the odd one out. Most of my friends are talking about getting a tattoo or have recently had a piercing or tattoo done. A tattoo was something I very passionate about for awhile in high school, but then my mom offered to pay and sign for me to get my naval pierced if I sign a contract that I would never get a tattoo even after my mom died. Yes, my mother and I work on contracts...she knows I can't break them without feeling crazy amounts of guilt. I was only 17 when I graduated, so I took the opportunity. Since then I realized how glad I am that I never got a tattoo. I love my body and I would hate to regret something later on.....no matter how classic the tattoo was. I wanted an ankh when I was younger and then it moved onto a tattoo in cursive that said "faithhopelove" (sorority stuff). I am pretty much over the whole tattoo faze and very glad I never branded my body. When Colby got her belly button pierced, I got my nose pierced. I had been thinking about it for awhile and it seemed like that fun thing I always wanted to do, but never had the courage to. Plus, if Colby was THAT innocent at the time and getting a naval piercing, then I needed to step it up, right? Well, I loved that damn thing, and it was very much worth the $60.

I took it out yesterday to let it heal through.

I had a small panic attack when I did it, though. It was weird to look at myself without it, and what if I wasn't ready for it to be gone? It was always supposed to be a temporary thing, and now that I am heading towards grad school it just seems like good timing. Plus, I have 3 weeks before school to let it heal. I never wanted it in wedding photos or anything soooo this is supposed to be a good thing. It just makes me sad I suppose. I felt like such a badass with it. Now all my friends are talking about tattoos and such, and I am taking out piercings. (I took out the second earring in my ear also...they seemed outdated.) I am left with my cartilage piercing on my upper ear, lower piercings on my ears, and my naval. I feel like I am trying to seem more mature, but I just feel like an old conservative lady. Some people already think that I am a goodygirl, and that bothers me A LOT. I am bit lost on what I want right now. So, what do I do? The hole is still there, so I can put it back in with some effort................

This is stupid. I know that. I am pretty sure it's staying out. I have the pictures to prove that I was a "badass" once. I hate this balance of trying to being good but not too good, but bad but not too bad. It's tiresome and I have been performing this balancing act for 8 years now. I am a lost puppy. Adopt me.

Lunch with Jeff was good, though, and I caught another mouse. AND, it's my last day of FURSCA.

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Subject:	Thought I would have more time.
Time:	10:43 am.
Mood:	drained.

This summer has been busy! I have been doing so many things in comparison to last summer. At least I know I was productive. It just hasn't given me a lot of time for livejournal. :o(

Things are going extremely well for me right now. I am in the process of deciding which grad schools to apply to. It would be a dream come true to go to a Rutger's campus. My mom, dad, and I are taking a mini trip to New Jersey to check out the area. I've never been so scared and excited for something in my whole life. I am using the research that I am doing this summer to write a thesis, and have that be bridge to talk to the most inspirational woman in neuroscience, in my opinion. I would love for her to be my adviser at Rutgers....so, we will see. I thought that maybe I hated research in this field last summer, but I realized that it is giving injections that I hate. That's why I know I could never be a doctor or nurse because I could never inject a child that was screaming the way I used to. I can barely do it to rodents! But, it all comes down to that the future seems bright. Very bright.

I lived in a house with a couple of gal pals and a few guy friends this summer. That was an eye opening experience. I realized that I will never by a house that old or invest money into one that old. (Unless I get to bulldoze the thing down myself to gain some pleasure out of the experience.) Carpet never goes in a bathroom OR kitchen. Mice are cute, but ultimately your worst enemy, and live traps are worth every penny. Subleasing is a stupid idea...always have a contract. If you don't have a room assignment, get there first with giant slingshot to defend your space. (I ended up with a closet for a bedroom.) Living with friends is fun, just assign a chores list. I wish I could of had more get togethers. We had a party, but I would of loved to do dinner more often. I also realized how much I like to cook. It's very rewarding and when you cook you are so much more aware of what you are putting into your body. I don't know how I let my mother cook and feed me for so long. I love you Mom.

Dave and I had made an amazing turn for the better. Having him come to stay with me for a weekend and have a house to live in instead of a dorm room has done wonders for us. Privacy is everything, and college does little to compensate for that privacy they take away. I have an apartment next semester, so living will be much more tolerable. I am just so happy that Dave and I have found this place in our relationship. I am seriously on cloud 9 everyday. Him and I are talking about moving in together after he graduates, so that's something I am looking forward to. We will just have to deal with being in two different states for a few months. I love him and I don't think it will be much of a problem.

Well, I move back home on Sunday, and that I have to turn around and move back in on the 16th of August. One and a half more days of FURSCA..........

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Subject:	Cocoon
Time:	11:32 am.

I was strangely moved by this song while I am sitting here recording data for my rat friends.

Cocoon - Jack Johnson

based on your smile
im betting all of this might be over soon
but youre bound to win
because if im betting against you, i think id rather lose

but this is all that i have, so please
take whats left of this heart, and use
please use only what you really need
you know i only have so little, so please
mend your broken heart and leave

i know its not your style
and i can tell by the way that you move its real real soon
but im on your side
and i dont want to be your regret, id rather be your cocoon

but this is all that you have, so please
let me take whats left of your heart, and i will use
i swear ill use only what i need
i know you only have so little, so please
let me mend my broken heart

you said this was all you have
and its all i need
but blah blah blah
because it fell apart
i guess its all you knew
and all i had
but now we have
only confused hearts
i guess all we have
is really all we need

so please
lets take these broken hearts, and use
lets use only what we really need
you know we only have so little, so please
take these broken hearts and leave

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Subject:	Taking some time to think
Time:	10:30 am.

So, Dr. Garvin passed away two days ago. It's taking me some time to digest it. I never saw him even wince from pain, so all I have of him is an alive and vibrant man with a twinkle in his eye when he said "neuron". I suppose this is better. Maybe that means he will never be gone for some of us. They are creating a scholarship in his name for neuroscience students. That makes me very happy and optimistic about the future of neuroscience at Albion.

The last time I lost someone close to me is my Grandma Anderson in 1994. So, this is a new feeling for me. I feel kind of empty and angry in a passive sort of way. Why do the people doing good for the world have to go? I suppose I feel sad for the people who will never meet him and understand what us neuroscience students understand. Arg.

I am going to a club tonight in Ann Arbor with some friends. That should be good. I want Dave to be there, though, because I need to be close to someone right now. He and I would have so much fun. Colby and Rachel are going, so that should be just as fun...nothing like dancing stupid with your girlfriends. I love you guys...

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Subject:	Wishing things were different....
Time:	10:02 am.

There are so many people who leave foot prints on your heart and mind as they walk in and out of your life. Unfortunately, most of the marks are because of hard lessons we have to learn. The good ones, although rare, are the most cherished in my opinion. It is right now I am truly saddened because on person who gave me an incredible gift is suffering.

Dr. Ned Garvin is one of the most inspiring people that I have ever had the privilege of knowing. He was diagnosed with cancer before I knew him. Last year I went through a time were I was very unsure about the career path I was taking. Although neuroscience fascinated me, I didn't know if I had the genius to be apart of the field. I was unsure about becoming a researcher. I was starting to loose the passion for the field that I once had. It was then that I took a class from Dr. Garvin. He is a philosophy teacher here at Albion College, but I know him from his time spent in the psychology department teaching neuroscience. He helped start the neuroscience concentration some years back because of the him and a few others saw the potential and need for the classes. The concentration was why I came to Albion in the first place. Anyway, in the neuroscience class, Dr. Garvin provoked a new world of wonder and amazement in the brain. He made even the shape of neuron seem wonderful. He left me in awe. He was so smart and strong. He missed many of our classes because he was sick. He was also partially deaf because a disease that had struck him in his younger days. The man was mostly deaf, dealing with the pain of cancer, but he still woke up most days to come to our class and pass on his knowledge.

I remember that he has missed some classes so we have other psych and bio profs take over for awhile. He wasn't there, obviously, to take notes of the lectures, so his exam given after those lectures, was not an easy one. I wrote an email to him concerned about my grade on the exam. I started the email telling him about my appreciation for him and my apologies that he was going through a difficult time, but telling him I didn't think the exam tested us on what we were supposed to know. He wrote me back saying that I need not worry, because I received a 4.0 on the test. In fact, I scored the highest. I felt so stupid. Haha. But, at least I got to email him just saying thanks for being a great teacher.

I wish now more than ever that I could tell him in person all my thank yous. My adviser tells me he is mostly unconscious in the hospital. I don't know if he would even remember me because he is that sick, but I hope somewhere he understands that he left an huge impression on me, other students, and the world. I want him to know that if he doesn't make it through this, that he left the world a better place. He gave students passion and courage. We all joke about how you gain a few IQ points just by standing next to him. His compassion touched so many people and I wish for a medical miracle, because it's not fair how much pain he has had to endure.

Knowing him for the short semester that I did, I know that he was be so mad that he is "unconscious". I hope when your eyes are closed, Dr. Garvin, and that you are dreaming and not feeling any pain. I suppose REM sleep is close enough to give him satisfaction until the pain ends.

I hope all of you reading this have had an opportunity to meet someone like Dr. Garvin.

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Subject:	85 degree
Time:	2:16 pm.
Mood:	hot.
Music:	The radio.

I hate the heat. The grass pollen is at soaring levels. I am working for another 2 days at my sister's story. Very boring. When there hasn't been a customer in the store for 30 min or so, then I get online and browse. I decided to be silly and look up my horoscope. I looked up my romance profile and looked up the section for those in a relationship:

"Too much time apart isn't good for you two. It's time to make a date night and keep it. Private moments are absolutely essential to keeping your relationship up and running. Get away from it all, now."

No good.

Oh well. I am excited for Beth's wedding. Dave and I will be going up to Charlevoix a night early. We will be able to spend a nice evening together relaxing, walking on Lake Michigan and just being with each other. It will make up for all the time that I can't spend with him now. That also means I can be there early the next day to do Beth's makeup. I am so happy for Chris and Beth. Beth was my RA my freshman year and I have to say that she has become one of my best friends. Those two deserve a lot of happiness. I think the best thing about Beth is that she is a lot like me so we understand each other. She also respects me and I get the feeling that she cherishes even the flaws in me. It's nice to be completely accepted by someone.

It is kind of crazy to think that one of my best friends is getting married. It's weird to think that I am getting that old. A senior in college. I suppose that's a big deal. I am very excited for it, though. Senior bar nights. Applying for grad school. Moving. It seems incredible how much my life will change in one year. I know it's silly, but I am already getting emotional about it. Maybe I am going through menopause. You can't deny that MOST of the people you were friends with in college will no longer keep in touch with you or vise versa. People come into your life randomly and leave randomly. The gang is going to have to find a way to stay in touch. Maybe a newsletter? Haha.

All I know is that there will be many dinner parties and late night talking next year.

Anyway, a customer just came into the store. See everyone around.

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Subject:	Amen to Josh
Time:	12:12 pm.
Mood:	sleepy.

Josh IMs me sometime so late that I must be crazy out of it from writing my paper. Anyway, him and I had just had a conversation about life...the point of life and what not. Then a little bit later, he IMs me with this tale. Amazing. It helps cheer me up. I know some of my closer friends have already "noticed", but I am going through a really rough time. It's getting better and at least I feel control over my life again. I just think that when situations happen like what happened to Josh, we should all take time and reflect. I never put enough time into reflecting.

Josh writes:
"There is a point to all of this. I swear.

It was late. Around 1 am. I was still hung over from the night before. I was hungry. Here in Korea you cant exactly drive to your late night fast-food joint. I was scrounging through the food I had in my room trying to find something that required little effort that my stomach could handle. I decided on popcorn. I never eat popcorn but I have had this box of popcorn for the longest time. On the bag it said microwave for 4 minutes. I knew that was way too long. I put it in for 3 minutes. I walked away to make a phone call. There was still 30 seconds left on the timer when I noticed that the microwave was full of smoke. I responded quickly. I threw the fan up in the window, started waving a towel at the smoke alarm. Not a huge deal at this point. Much to my dismay, the red light started blinking and alarm started going off. Not a big deal if you are living in a house or your own apartment. Here on an Air Force Base the smoke alarms are all wired directly to the Fire Department. You cant take the batteries out because that is considered destruction of government property. To compound the problem I have alcohol in my room, and I know that if the Fire Department comes they are going to have a look around and Im going to get busted. Im trying to dispose of evidence and get the smoke out of my room before the buildings fire alarm goes off and we have to evacuate the building. I have people knocking on my door asking if everything is ok. It is chaos. It went from trying to make a calm bag of popcorn to complete chaos...mayhem...pandemonium.

One of my neighbors went to get the floor manager to ask him what I should do about the alarm. He says its not a big deal. He said to just call the Fire Department and let them know what was up. When I call they are pretty cool. They just take down my information, tell me everything is cool, and suggest I just keep trying to ventilate my room. The smoke alarm turns off. Things are calming down. Major problem is over. Now I just have pissed off neighbors. Ive wasted 2 full nights worth of alcohol. A room with a stench of biblical proportions, and Im still hungry. The microwave is still leaking smoke but now I had multiple fans going. I was afraid to open the microwave because then a large quantity of smoke would come out and possibly set the alarm off again. I decided the best thing to do at this point was to go get something to eat. I grabbed a friend and we went to the one place on base there is to get something to eat at 1 am.

We come back an hour later. Its now around 0230. The room still smells, but not terribly so. I decided that this was the time to try and extract the charred bag of popcorn from my now brown microwave. I get a plastic bag, throw the popcorn in it, tie it up, and head to the dumpster. When I get to the dumpster my friend and I notice something. There is a couch sitting next to it. I dispose of the popcorn and start inspecting the couch. Cant find anything wrong with it. Its a beautiful brown leather full sized couch. My friend didn't have room for the couch in his room, so he didn't want it. I however could not let this couch go to waste. Now the new problem. The dumpster is a full 300 yards away from my dorm, and I live on the 3rd floor. I have never backed away from the challenge. It was hard, but we managed. It took about 40 minutes, but we accomplished our mission. After we got the couch in my room, he went and got some beers from his room and we sat up till about 0600 watching My Name Is Earl.

The irony behind the whole situation is that if I wouldn't have burnt the popcorn, I never would have taken my trash out at 2 oclock in the damn morning. Some of you might be thinking What's the big deal? You found a couch. Things are a bit different living on a military base in South Korea...Trust me. My couch is a huge deal. All the guys are jealous. Its funny how things work out. How something so bad can actually turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Now the reward here, my couch, was obvious and almost immediate. The couch is really a metaphor for all good things in life. You always have to keep your head up because for every action, there is a reaction. It took some work, some sweating, a lot of effort, but I managed to turn a bad situation into something great. I makes me think of how we would all be if we applied this to all aspects of our lives. Sometimes the bad things put you in the place you needed to be for something even better to happen."

I wuv you Joshie.

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